Fortitude is a strength of mind that enables us to meet danger or bear pain or adversity. It’s being able to adjust, adapt and continue. Society is all about labels. It’s time I learned to embrace them. The good, the bad and the ugly, it makes me who I am. Although it has taken me a long hard road to get here, I like who I am to. It’s a continuous journey! At this time the first label that stands out for most is federal inmate #28701-031, gun offender, drug offender, felon, and drug addict but if society kept digging they would also find a young woman who graduated high school and college with honors, who at one time had letters behind her name instead of numbers. RN, BSN, MDS Coord, etc. Dig even deeper society would find a broken young woman, on a self-destruct path, not knowing how to ask for help, a survivor of domestic violence and addiction without getting the proper help. Then the labels that are intertwined with all these are Mom, Daughter, Sis, Aunt, Cousin, Friend and loved one too many. When I look into the mirror…I see I am and was all these things at one time but then I am so much more at the same time. It’s just taken a minute to see that! I see these labels but I also see Hope, Forgiveness, and 2nd chances. I took a very wrong path knowing I would pay a high price. In a way, I was a prisoner of my mind way before I came one literally. My self-destruct path had a massive wave with a ripple effect on so many others. I was too blinded by my pain & selfishness that until it was done, I couldn’t see all the others paying the price with me. I wanted to act like the rules didn’t apply to me because I wanted to give up on life. I’m grateful I just have an inmate number instead of a headstone at a gravesite. Prison is so often just a warehouse of broken souls. We have to choose to beat the odds. I have chosen to use this time to rehabilitate, to prepare for my release. I have chosen to keep fighting but in a way that is going to build a solid foundation. I will always have these labels but what am I going to do with them. I will always have the education and knowledge of a degree and that experience even if I don’t go back into nursing. It’s still a part of me. The same applies to all I’ve learned going through the last 7 years of incarceration. I can control my actions and reactions. I can control my attitude and change my perspective. I can make the best of this situation, I can still find the best version of me, to be a light in darkness and part of change to help those others who are like me. As I continue this journey, although I do not qualify for any time credits, I feel that any kind of education and class is important. I have attempted to stay programming my entire time as well as work full time. I have learned so much through the rdap, parenting, women’s relationships, and trauma classes. Lots of tools to help prepare, so exciting to have a great-looking resume even though I am in prison. Empowering to be able to still move forward. As well as being in an apprenticeship for Quality Assurance Inspector. Not sure if nursing will be an option again but I will have lots of warehouse experience thru Unicor. As well as helping women get GEDS with tutoring. Anything no matter how big or small is something in here! Until then I can still just keep trying to make the best of each day and bettering myself from the day before. Case manager says I have met all my goals and to just keep doing what I am. Yes perhaps for the ‘team’ paperwork. My personal goals continue to keep healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. A challenge is to not get stagnant but to keep seeing the finish line. Next is a half marathon, a better diet, sending out resumes and letters of introduction, and building a healthy support network!
