My name is Ryan Reavis. I’m from Southern California. My Mother and Step Father were Horse Trainers. My Father was a Salesman and Musician. I was fortunate to grow up around horses and other animals. Drug and alcohol abuse in the family made things unstable early on and through my teenage years. I was a terrible student. An easily distracted mind and things going on at home made me feel insecure about my place among my peers, and I started using drugs at a young age because it made me feel like I fit in somewhere. After moving in with my Father, I tested out of High School and left home to work in a garage cleaning up the shop. I started selling drugs to support my habit and moved in with a girlfriend and her family. A pattern of bad decision making and surrounding myself with people that supported those bad decisions led to moving from place to place, living day to day, and being arrested many times. My role models were drug dealers and hustlers, people that made money but did nothing to contribute to society. I learned how to make money but spiritually I was hollow. Drugs were an escape from a reality that I wasn’t good at. After being released from State Prison I made a run at changing my ways and did well for several years. But failing to make a spiritual change left me vulnerable to my old demons, and eventually I slipped.
I fell back into a pattern of bad decisions. I encouraged others to abandon trust of normal society, and I surrounded myself with people that ran from their problems, and we supported each others bad decisions. We were all using dangerous drugs that destroyed lives. Through a series of careless decisions, I put myself in a situation that ended with someone dying. I told myself I wasn’t responsible because I didn’t know the particular drugs I dropped off were lethal, but my involvement in the activity makes me as culpable as anyone else.
I was indicted when I refused to cooperate with the government. I took responsibility for my part, and was sentenced to 131 months in federal prison for distribution of fentanyl.
During my time being incarcerated before sentencing, I worked through a 12 step program and learned why I had failed before. I had solved the problem of using, but never got to the bottom of why I used in the first place. I hadn’t built a support network and I tried to do everything on my own. I have since built a strong support group and worked through my issues. I continuously take personal moral inventory and seek out people that have a positive influence on people and the world around them. I made the decision to abandon the life that led me here, and took the life of another person. I have over 5 years sober and I try to influence others positively. I understand that I’ll never be able to make amends to the family of the person that died, but I can be a positive sum factor to society moving foreword by giving more than I take and trying to influence people away from a lifestyle that only leads to pain, incarceration, and death.
Making life changes in prison is not easy. In fact it is exceedingly difficult. I am met with resistance everywhere. The system does not care about prisoners wanting to better themselves. It is so much easier to just assimilate into prison politics and culture. Change any time is hard, but with the extra hurdles a prisoner must overcome on a daily basis, so many fail and go back to what they know. My hope is that I can demonstrate through consistent self education and commitment to progress the fact that I am worthy of the opportunity to build a successful business and have a positive impact on society and the world.
