Hi! my name is Melissa or “Missy”.
I am currently serving a 400 month sentence for “ghost dope” .I was sentenced in November of 2016 ,pleading guilty when my attorney told me that I would get life if we continued on with trial preparations ,he did this after having me turn down a 240 month cap offer .
My life before prison was not what someone would consider living or not what I now consider living..I was doing nothing more than existing really. I have been using meth since I was 14 years old , in and out of prison for petty crimes always stemming from drug addiction .I have done everything from steal cars to forging checks, if it got me the money I needed to stay high I did it. Addiction has destroyed my life ,taken me to places I should of never been ,put me in situations I should of never been in .I have seen things I should of never seen ..Addiction is one of Satans biggest tools in enslaving people and keeping them from their true purpose here on earth.
I feel like I literally lived in a drug induced haze since I was a young girl.I lost myself so long ago that until very recently I didn’t even know who I was .That girl was gone and never coming back or so I thought, and than in 2020 something happened that would change my life forever.
I have 3 kids .Chase ,Chance and Macie. My daughter was raised by her father. I raised my sons (when I was not in prison) on my own. When my son Chance was about 19 years old he smoked k2 and developed drug induced psychoses .At the time I was in Dana Pointe California in a drug rehab called Ocean Hills Recovery .When I heard about what happened to Chance I brought him to Dana Pointe to enter the rehab with me.
We went from there to Hollywood California to sober living homes. Everyday I would walk with him and talk with him ,I was so sure he was still in there somewhere as I would see glimpses of the beautiful boy he was before drugs took his mind..he was still beautiful he was just trapped in his own mind.
I was able to get him on a psyche drug called Zyprexa but he took it all at once and overdosed on it ,he lived ..but I thought it was best to send him back to Texas to be with his dad .I got on a plane shortly after and went back myself . Within 6 months I ended up back in Texas State Prison .I was more lost than I had ever been ..I felt I had failed Chance and myself ,failed my other kids and just failed at everything and everyone.I gave up .i think I was subconsciously slowly killing myself because watching him slowly die was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. I didn’t know how to save my son . In 2016 I ended up getting 400 months in Federal Prison , lost my mom June 28th of 2016 to Opiates ,Chances dad on January 17th,2017 and on April 30th of 2020 lost Chance. He was hit by a car and killed .The prison didn’t inform me until June 12th ,2020 that he was gone.By that time they had cremated my son without my permission, I didn’t even get to bury him or ever say good bye ,nothing .I was not a good inmate at the time ,I had been in and out of trouble trying to get money to Chance after his dad was killed and my mother overdosed ,he had been living on the streets homeless with no one to help me try to care for him .It was so heart wrenching I never thought I would be able to stand again .I ended up in the Shu and in that hole I found Jesus Christ. since than I have never looked back ..I began to WANT to be different .I began to hate everything that meth stood for ,all the destruction ,chaos and pain .I wanted to honor my sons death and my mothers ,who also suffered from mental illness. A person can do years in prison ,do rehabs ,go through the motions but until that individual is ready in their heart or something happens that is stronger than the high ,it is all for nothing. For me losing my son and knowing in my heart that drugs did it ,was more than the high .I was finally ready to fight for my life.
I had so many questions for God .I wanted answers and slowely he began to give me answers and show me a different way …he showed me how to live and I took my soul back from Satan.
I have taken Several ACE classes ,graduated LCP , graduated Stratford college (getting my drug and alcohol counseling license) worked for Unicore going to a grade 1 position ,worked HVAC for almost 3 years ,obtaining a recommendation from my boss ,Several FSA classes ,along with Resolve ,Trauma and Life , and am currently in the FIT /RDAP program in Danbury.I do mentoring with my peers ,One on One counseling with my DTS.
I have been in prison for almost 10 years now and it has been a rough road but I am coming out of this a different woman than when I came in .I wish more than anything my son could have me as I am today but I will live everyday from here on out knowing he is looking down smiling proud of who I am and someday I will see him again.
My plan is to release to a very good friend of mine ,a retired attorney in Fort Worth Texas ,named Jill Davis ..a kind beautiful person who has stood by me through my entire incarceration .Jill has known me for almost 20 years .She has seen me at my worst and never given up on me .She is a woman of faith and has never used drugs or been involved in anything illegal .She has been in the same house for 20 years and can offer me a stable, healthy, positive environment .She is in my corner and wants me to succeed more than anyone.
i will go there and continue my education to get my degree in Psychology as well as work for Jill managing properties she owns in and around the Fort Worth area .I also plan on working at homeless shelters to begin trying to change the system from the inside out .There are so many people in our jails who don’t need to be there ,they need help mentally. A lot of times people want to throw mentally ill people away instead of dealing with them .I know this first hand .My heart is capable of helping them .This is part of what my purpose is .I am going to have a transition home for mentally ill people that have no one to help them .It will be called “Chances Place “.
In my heart I know that if Chance would of had someone to show him how to get housing ,disability ,transportation ,the right medication thaN he may of been ok ..I know that the Bible says we have a day to die so maybe that couldn’t of been changed but the circumstances surrounding his death could of .He died scared ,alone ,hungry and homeless .I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to help every single person I can to not suffer the same fate.
My dream is to open a Non Profit in California . I want my work to be focused on Skid Rowe in Los Angeles..the place no one wants to go ..is the place I’m determined to get to ..
It is the last place I was with my son ..and the place he kept going back to looking for me thinking I was still there..
Chance was a beautiful spirit and I know this is what he would of wanted.He was waiting on me when he was here ,he has been waiting on me all along..I want to let him know “Im finally here Chance..I have finally grown into who I was meant to be ..Who you always knew I could be “
I will never ever use drugs or go back to that life OR dishonor my sons life ..I will never let his death or his struggle to have all been for nothing.I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN .I WILL NOT FAIL HIM AGAIN .EVER .I have taken and taken and taken from this world it is time I give something back ..
I know a lot of people claim to change but im telling you that I am not the same person ..I finally found that girl I used to be ..before life happened..
I constantly take classes to re invent myself and my life is dedicated to Jesus Christ..the one that reached down into the darkness of that cell and told me that I was forgiven and I was meant for great things and that my sons sickness and life ..all of it was for a reason ..all part of his plan ..I will never look back ..
I have a commutation in now and have been denied twice..I am hoping to get it commuted to what the prosecutor offered ,but I was too ignorant to take it and had no one defending me with my best interest at heart .If I could get my sentence reduced to 20 years I would still have time to live out my life and fulfill my dreams .
I think I would have 3 to 4 years left .I am 53 ,I will be 54 in December..not letting me out until I am almost 80 is helping no one ..it is the waste of a good life and I have become a person to be proud of.
I will keep everyone informed of what Im doing to continue bettering myself ..everyday ..
yesterday I did a Seminar on k2 awareness ,I chair NA meetings and work out religiously along with church as often as they give it..yesterday someone came to me and asked me to help them to know Jesus like i do..that she sees me with such a positive attitude and knows all that has happened to me..this was the first time that ever happened to me ..it let me know that what I’m doing is working.
Sincerely,
Melissa Veatch 69224-080
