Candida Xenia Leila Krista-Nicole Reyes-Puletapuai-Mapuolesega. My name alone sets me apart from the rest. I choose to go by Leila. I am currently 31 years old serving a 235 month sentence. Previously before starting my bid I was just another lost soul; another mind wasted; another girl with “daddy issues”; another addict/alcoholic; dreams & talents washed away. 10 years of living in the streets will change you. The drugs, the dealers, the trap houses & hotels, the money (or lack of), the hustle, the fear of the law. After so long it literally becomes like a game. It’s the same cycle over & over & OVER. I became empty. Mindlessly wandering & emotionally damaged. NOTHING MATTERED.
So, boom! 2019, I get indicted for possession over 50 grams of a controlled substance with the intent to deliver. “Ghost dope” might I add. (For those who don’t know what ghost dope is, it’s when you get charged for drugs that are NOT physically or actually there.) So, while in jail, prior to my sentencing, I decide to give my life over to Christ. It wasn’t anything super spectacular but the love I felt that day was enough to bring me to my knees. Now, fast forward. When the big day for sentencing arrives, everybody always prays right? Well my prayer was this : “God, I ask that you touch this judges heart to sentence me to however long I need to not go back to the streets.” Well I was not expecting 19 years & 7 months, but who am I to question God’s plan?
Here’s the thing, it takes more than the willingness to change. It takes TIME. Time is one thing I felt I never had. Strange thing seeing how time never stops. I just never took the time to put in the effort to do something different. However, now I have plenty of time to be still & re-center myself. These past 5 years have NOT been easy. I am still breaking down old habits. I still mess up & still get discouraged, but I am still learning & still growing. Honestly I’ve gained so much by being here in every aspect, I can’t even deny that this journey have been a blessing. Of course I miss my family though. I want my daddy to know that I’m forever his little girl. I want to tell my mama to rest now & let me take care of everything. I want to hold my 14 year old daughter & just fill her with every ounce of love her heart is missing.
I can work on myself in here all day with as much work & as many programs as I want or that they offer, but when it comes to my home life, nothing has grounded me better than my spirituality. Everyone is different. For me though, the greatest gift was choosing God’s love because in return I’ve learned to love myself & see my worth. Now, EVERYTHING MATTERS. I have a reason to fight. So in my darkest days, I remember my prayer that day of court & put my faith in the fact that I am here for a purpose & my purpose is worth it. This time is a gift, because who knows where I would be, had I never caught this case. To anyone in a similar situation, just be thankful for life & KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
Sincerely free on the inside,
Leila Mapuolesega
A special thank you to the Peer Support Mentor Program here at Aliceville. I am currently mentoring as a part of the team & looking forward to our expansion. Shout out to Michael Santos as well.
