Education motivates me. I have always loved going to school and learning new things. I was always a good student and loved to excel in my classes. My parents are immigrants from Mexico. I am the first born in the United States. I would see how my family would struggle financially at times and I felt a responsibility to provide financially for them. This is what ultimately led me to prison. I thought I had to make a lot of money to make my family proud. At 17 years old, I started dated someone who sold drugs who I eventually married. He had a regular job but would sell drugs on the side to make extra money to help his family financially. I knew what It was like to struggle financially growing up so I didn’t really like it but I knew it was out of necessity that he would do it. I didn’t like this lifestyle because it would scare me. The fast paced life, the drugs, the guns, possibility of getting kidnapped, or ending up dead. This all made me very anxious and stressed. Despite all this in my mind, the amount of money he made and being able to buy many things for my family, his family, and friends helped me ignore it. I knew it was wrong and illegal but the feeling of being able to afford things I could only dream of at such a young age over took my rational thinking and fears. I was young and a bit materialistic. I was going to college by this time and I felt I could not survive without my husband’s help and his money. Going to school and working was hard but he made it easier for me by making sure I had everything I needed financially. This made it hard for me to leave him even though I didn’t like this lifestyle. He is almost 7 years older than me so I thought he was a little more experienced in life than I was at the time so I would listen a lot to him. I thought his ideas for the future were good. We were going to save up enough money to start a business and he was going to step away from selling drugs. This is what he would always tell me. Over time things just got worse and worse it was a never ending cycle and we would argue at times because I did not like what he was doing and he was not changing his behavior. We had our own business by now and I felt it was time for him to step away from selling drugs and try to live a better life. He started listening to me and focusing more on working at our business and by doing this it seemed to me that he was trying to change because he wouldn’t be away as much and he was focusing on more positive things. I felt better about the future because I thought we could finally start to lead a normal life. In 2004, I got my Real Estate License and became a Realtor. I was doing really well with that because I joined an office that really helped me with client leads and taught me the business. I worked with a great team of people. In 2004, I had my first son Benjamin and in 2005 my second son Cristian. I was really pushing my husband to change because now we had 2 small boys. He stopped selling drugs because of them at this time. He didn’t want them to grow up without a dad like he did. His father was murdered at the age of 5 so he knew what it was like to grow up without a parent and he didn’t not want that for his children. In 2004, DEA agents showed up at my Real Estate office asking questions about me, I was not present but was told by people at the office. This made me very nervous because I was thinking, “Why are they looking for me?” I immediately went to look for my attorney and asked him to check up on this. The agents did not leave a business card or anything so we had no way of knowing who they were. I lived in fear from that day forward. I knew something was not right. I felt they were investigating me. My level of anxiety and panic was on high. I had trouble sleeping and would have all these wild dreams that I was going to get arrested even though I knew I was not the one selling drugs. I knew though that I had helped with money transactions and my money spending did not look good. I knew something was definitely off on that and it was going to be hard for me to explain a lot of these transactions.t I believe 32 years is harsh. I am a first-time offender with no criminal history. I didn’t realize how much trouble I was in. I was willing to plead guilty but my husband forced me to go to trial. Everyday for the past 17 years I have fought to make something meaningful of this time. I have participated in extensive educational and rehabilitative programming. I have completed close to 2,000 hours in over 70 classes. Everyday I make a choice to be better because I want to have a life the day I leave this place. I have a desire to make so much more of my life and my time. I am grateful for the time I have spent in prison because I have learned a lot about myself. I do not ever want to surround myself with anyone of anything that can harm others. I want to lead a positive life and hopefully help someone not make the same mistakes I once made. I did not make the best choices in the past and they led me to prison. When I was sentenced at 23 years old to thirty-two years it crushed me. I felt like my life was over. I have suffered many days of depression. It is hard to stay positive in a place that at times can be so negative. I guess it must be this way in order to be punishment. Many people do not want to do anything to better themselves. Some do not work, go to school, or exercise. Some watch TV all day. Some use drugs. I have fought very hard everyday to stay positive and not let this place consume me or change my mind. It is a constant battle to not conform to what the majority are doing and just have a “what’s the point attitude”. I am almost at my 18 year anniversary. I have utilized this time to educate myself more and I feel I have so many skill sets in so many different subjects. I know that when the time comes I will be ready to achieve any goal I put my mind to.
