Proverbs 3:5–6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I keep returning to this verse, not as a quick fix or emotional reassurance, but as a steady reminder of where my foundation needs to be. Trusting God with my whole heart feels like a tall order some days—especially days like yesterday and today, when shame and self-condemnation are persistent. The lies are subtle but constant: You’ve done too much damage. You’ve forfeited your calling. You’re not worthy of being restored. They show up without warning, and it takes immense energy to challenge them.
This morning at men’s group, I felt disconnected. Not because anyone did anything wrong—quite the opposite. The men around me were sincere, and the space was safe. Still, I found myself retreating internally. It’s hard not to view myself through the lens of my past, even though I know I’m not that man anymore. Grace is true. I believe that. But on days like this, I don’t always feel it, and often feel the exact opposite.
I wrote today because I want to stay honest about where I am. Not every day is progress in motion. Some days are just about holding course and refusing to drift too far into old patterns. I asked God for help this morning—quietly and without much emotion. Not a dramatic prayer, just a simple one: I will trust you. Please help me trust you. And then the emotion (tears) flowed.
I know that trust is built in small, repeated steps. I’ve seen evidence of that already—in how far I’ve come, in the people God has placed around me, in the way my heart has changed over the last couple of years. The future still feels uncertain—personally, professionally, spiritually—but I believe God is working. Not in the background, but in the middle of it all.
So today, I’m choosing to trust—not because I feel strong or confident, but because I believe God is faithful. That’s enough for today. But it is still difficult to do so, fighting the devil and the lies in my head.
I will trust you God. Please help me trust you.
