During my time in prison, I’ve taken every class available to me. My main focus is to better myself, to always make the next right choice. When I was originally released from jail on pre-trial release awaiting sentencing for this charge I made a conscious effort to be a different person a person I wanted to be. I checked my self into a inpatient treatment program in Nebraska for the first time. Once released from there I followed up with intensive out patient treatment. I attended group therapy once a week and met regularly with my counselor. I also acquired an advocate for victims of sex trafficking as minors, and it was she who really showed me the possibilities life had to offer for someone that had the kind of trauma I did. I found out how passionate I was about advocating for people that have had trauma and pain in their lives. I also took care of my 2 beautiful daughters full time and worked while waiting to start college. I had over 2 years sober from methamphetamine when I was sentenced on January 3rd 2023. Now I have over 4 years. The word HOPE has been on my mind this last week. Some days in here feel more hopeless then others. I was sentenced to 13.5 years for possession of methamphetamine in the amount of 5 ounces. My lawyer didn’t think it was necessary to show the judge how much of a different person I had become in the time I was waiting to be sentenced. Now I find myself in the federal prison in Tallahassee, so far from home and my children and I am still doing everything I can to become a better version of myself. I’ve come to realize though that I am not the only one doing the sentence imposed on me but my children are as well. Its hard to be strong for them and myself in here. I look around at the conditions here and its like something I couldn’t even imagine. Not just because it is prison but its almost like being in a 3rd world country somewhere. I hear the o.i.g just put a report out about the conditions but is anyone really listening? Now we have an announcement about being fully implementing FSA credits to get people home sooner. I think that is amazing. A gift from God but its hard for me because yes I do qualify for FSA but due to the algorithms that have been implemented to determine a persons recidivism based on their past I am not even able to apply the time I earn. I don’t believe the algorithm or the pattern score takes in to account the inmates goals for their future or the work they do. Years ago I was addicted to drugs. I chased the feeling they gave me actually the lack of feeling they produced. I never faced my life or trauma, I ran just as fast as I could. It was a horrible way to cope, in fact it wasn’t coping at all. I lied, stole, cheated, betrayed myself, my family, morals to obtain a drug that I almost lost my life too. My criminal history consists of shoplifting charges and those charges is what made me get 13.5 years instead of 5 years. Those shoplifting charges from my past is what makes me have a criminal history score and not be able to apply my FSA time. I cant go to a camp or home confinement or early release because those shoplifting/theft charges will always hold me back. It doesn’t matter how long I have been sober, the the goals I have for the future, or that I don’t get into trouble. So I am praying and trying to stay hopeful but its hard when we have a system that doesn’t take into account the whole person and circumstances, but I’m trying.
