My name is Jody Maire Benis. I am 43 years old. I am the middle child. I was raised my a single mother. I got held back in 1st grade and all the kids made fun of me and that is when I shut down. School was very hard for me I needed help and never asked for it. So I didn’t get it! i was in 7th grade when I started drinking and smoking pot. I started smoking cigs. in 3rd grade. I can remember I never hung out with the kids from school it was always the old kids who dropped out and was doing what they wanted. I just wanted to fit in with a group of people. On the weekends we would drink and smoke and hang out or go driving the back roads. During the week I would smoke weed before school, during lunch and when school was over. I would have my older friend do my homework and when it was time for the test I would copy the kid who i sat next to. I have had my share of boyfriends and guys just want me for sex. It always made me feel wanted and in a weird way loved. At 17 I was dating a 26 year old. He would bet me most everyday. We was living in a motel with him, his mom and 2 siblings. They would watch me get bet and never would they help me. That is when I started using meth. It made me not feel and that it was i was looking for. It was love at first use. That relationship lasted 4 long years. After I left him I was sleeping on friends couches and living out my car. I was dating “dope boys” so I didn’t have to buy my drugs. I loved the fast life and the lifestyle that came with it. In 2006 I started dating the “plug” and the feds where watching him. I had no idea. When they got us they want me to tell on him and his bestfriend. I just could not do it. Long story short I got 10 years for conspiracy to distribute 500 grams or more of meth. I was on house arrest ( pre-trail) and I could not stop using drugs or drinking. December 2007 I got into a car wreck I was in a coma for 5 days and in the hospital for almost 2 months. My mother was by my said when i woke up and when they went to release from the hospital the feds where too. They wanted to take me then. The doctors told them i need to much care for them to take me. They gave me some time and my mom took care of my. I had a shattered spine my L1 and L2 lumber has a rod in it and i was in a full body brace and leg brace. i was in a wheelchair. My mom took me the therapy and was learning how to walk again. I was going from my mom place to my dads place where he would let me get high. I was giving him my pain meds and he was letting my friends come over so i could get high. Oct 8 2008 my dad died. It was all my fault it what I told myself. I held that guilt for a very long time. It was not until I went thru RDAP that I let all the guilt go. Sept 22 2008 is the day I started my first 10 year bid. They let me keep my leg brace and nothing else. No pain meds, no body brace. Nothing. I did get one crutch and that was when i knew i had to do it on my own. I would walk the walls to get my strength back. Health care in the FEDS is joke. I got little help. I did take lots of classes to better myself, and for the first time ever I ever loved myself. It was 2013 when i knew I was going to have the life I always wanted. I was sober I had my family loving me and I was forgiving myself. I got out Dec 2015. My brother and his wife let me live with them, my mom let me use her car, I got a job and was doing really good. I was proud of myself. Dustin and I got back together and I was having a baby. My life was great. I had everything I was praying for when I was in prison. Oct 1 2016 i went to the doctor for my second trimester check up and the baby didn’t have a heart bet. My baby had died. That is the day my world feel apart. I had lost everything. They gave me something to have the baby and 12 hours later I gave birth to a little baby boy 3oz no heart bet. His name was little Dustin Jr. I can remember going to my P.O. and telling him I needed help. He asked me if I was using I told him no. and he said he could not help me unless i was in my addiction. In my head he had just given my my out. I went home and shoot up for the first time. I had over 8 years of being sober. With 5 years of probation I think I spent most of it back in prison. That was their way of helping me. All I ever wanted out of this life was to be half the mom my mother was to me. And God took that from me. or that is what i told myself. In Dec 2020 I was off paper. The day I left the halfway house I got some meth from some girl that was their and started using again. My family never got to see the sober Jody. I kept pushing everyone that loved me away. I started running the streets again. April 8 2021 I got into a high speed chace and was charged with possession with the intent to distribute 50 grams or more of actual meth. I spent 2 years in county and all I thought about was how I was going to kill myself when I got to prison. I hated myself more than I have ever in my life and I just didn’t want to live any more. I was in a very dark pace with no way out. July 8 2023 I got here to FCI Tallahassee. They have more drugs here then I have ever seen in the BOP. Lucky for me is what I thought. I was introduced to K2 and started smoking it. thinking this is what is going to kill my. I had a few close calls but nothing did the trick. I would turn blue choke on my own vomit I even had a DNR sign in my cube. My bunkie would pray for me, pray over me and even sometimes she would get me to pray with her. It was Aug. 2024 when God showed out and opened my eyes. I say me and my family on some beach holding hands and smiling. It gave me hope and something to live for. I am almost a year sober from K2 and over 4 years sober from the other drugs. I am not where I want to be but I know I am on the right path. I don’t know what the future looks like and I may not know whet I want. But i can say this I know what I don’t want and that is what makes it better. I am working everyday to love myself and being content with my past. I am ok with knowing he pain of losing your only child will never go away and as bad as I want to be with him i cant. I will live this life being the best me for me, my family and for myself. My hope is to get out of here and help other. Share my life with other who have been in my shoes or are still in my old shoes. give them hope for a better tomorrow. I have always wanted to start a thing called extream makeover for the recovering addicts. Give them a makeover, give them tools to help them get a job and any rescores they may need. Their is more to that its just an idea I have had in my head for a long time! And that is my bio in the short form! 🙂 xoox
