Book Report: Fathered by God – Learning what your Dad could never teach you by John Eldredge
Fathered by God is a holy footpath, map or guide from our Heavenly Father addressing the stages of modern masculinity by John Eldredge. This is needed for two reasons; some have no father to show them the way, so they’re left to figure it out on their own or they find (boys /young men) they can’t figure it out by themselves, and they need help. This is an issue because the author feels masculinity needs to be bestowed, in a confirmation of who he is and what he is made of. In the past often boys or young men would work along side their fathers in the field, in his trade or on his fishing boat, which has been unfortunately lost today. So then, when the tests of life come up (riding a bike, fishing, girls, marriage, finances, taxes, house or cars) the boy in a man’s body is left unsure if he is a man, what should he do, and does he have what it takes?
The author feels that the masculine journey or process can be started and bestowed during some sort of initiation process, much like many tribal cultures have done. During the process a young man’s heart is opened to God through other male figures that are supporting and encouraging him, and previous wounds through boyhood are potentially flushed out and healed, as the young man moves on to the Cowboy and/or Warrior stage. Then during any hassles, trials, or screw ups, where the Father is really fathering us, ideally we have a father or similar (at the King stage), who is able to help interpret, as the Heavenly Father strengthens, heals or dismantles us.
The initial stage of the masculine journey is Boyhood, and is characterized by wonder, exploration, adventure, discovery, invitation, mixed with some level of power and/or danger. Next is the Cowboy stage (usually 13-20 yoa) and is defined as an experience, adventure, a testing, transition, hardwork, learning, determination and trusting God. Confidence, bravery and strength mixed with a realization that life is hard. This is followed by the Warrior stage (usually 20-30 yoa) where the young man is still learning to trust God, fight for a cause, be competitive and disciplined, on a mission, fighting a battle for his marriage, children, his patients, or against the enemy. he is fully engaged at this stage, but can and often does, experience some hardship. This is followed by the Lover stage, where the man now really begins to see and feel poetry, beauty, his romantic side, experience true intimacy with both God and his woman. He sees and really notices her and really begins to fill and protect her heart. Spiritually, he matures and his faith and connection with God deepen. This is followed by the King stage, a stage of power, influence, authority, as the King fathers young men. The final stage is the Sage. It is characterized by knowledge and wisdom during a season of increased influence and contribution. His expertise is felt, with a deep sense he is walking in step with and communing intimately with God in a spirit of compassion and humility. He constantly redirects or draws you to God and away from self-reliance.
Our heavenly Father promises to give us good gifts, has a heart to find even the one lost sheep and rejoices, and is a father who wants us to feel His safety and strength in His arms.
However, we are in a world at war, a spiritual battle where the enemy’s goal is to separate us from the Father and make us think no one cares, you are worthless, and abandoned. This can happen in a variety of ways from overprotective parents, who end up emasculating their son, so parents have to weigh wisdom and risk, or too little or too much parenting. Passivity is often also a common scapegoat for many fathers, or distractions (TV, phone, alcohol, work etc), which again can contrast on the other end to the control freak…
So ultimately, as we men pass through each stage something needs to be dismantled (often our false self), and something needs to be healed (often a fear or a wound). Life is a quest for our beloved sons and the masculine journey should be a paramount, central mission not only for each male but the young men who follow behind him. And above all else, always stop and ask God, be in communication with Him through all parts of the journey. “Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God” Romans 8:14
On a personal level, I feel that I am somewhere in between the Lover and King stages. I say this because I just always felt that stopping to smell the roses or see beauty were feminine things in a sense. I have always appreciated being out on the lake at 6am to waterski and to feel the peacefulness and beauty captured in that time of communing with nature and God. Through my wife I have come to appreciate more recently sunrises, sunsets and the creativity of God’s handiwork in various flowers. I appreciate poetry more, and have recently been reacquainted with the poems “If” and “Two roads diverged” from my past academic years. I also “see” and “notice” my wife differently even as we continue to go through this challenging season. And as I transition into this King stage, developing my sons and any other young men in my circle of influence, that are coming behind me, is my focus, with the intention of “what is it like for them in my kingdom” and most importantly for me, to consult God in all we do moving forward, as a family and as a kingdom.
