October, 2024, MCC Chicago prison
“Life Loves You” — Louise Hay & Robert Holden
When I picked up Life Loves You in jail, I didn’t expect it to hit me so deeply. I was carrying so much shame, regret, confusion, and anger — not just at what I’d done, but who I thought I’d become. I was afraid that I had gone too far, that I had crossed some line where love couldn’t follow. This book didn’t just challenge that belief — it shattered it.
Louise Hay and Robert Holden wrote this as a conversation — a back-and-forth about what it really means to live as if life, and God, and love itself are not against you — but for you. It’s not naïve optimism or some wishful-thinking fantasy. It’s a radical declaration: you are still lovable — even after failure, even after self-sabotage, even after everything. That message pierced something deep in me.
The Core Message: You Are Loved Because You Exist
The central truth of this book is simple, but almost impossible to accept when you’re in shame: Life loves you. Not because you earned it. Not because you’ve done everything right. But because you’re here. Because your existence matters. Because love — divine, healing, restorative love — is your birthright from God.
That idea really affected me. I’ve spent years performing, controlling, hustling, justifying. Trying to earn love. Then trying to outrun the shame when I lost it. But this book gently, over and over, said: Stop. You don’t have to earn what’s already yours. You don’t have to be punished forever. You can open to love right here — in the wreckage. Things I have really known most of my life as a Catholic and Christian, but things I never fully believed or allowed myself to accept.
Seven Spiritual Practices
The book outlines seven spiritual principles or practices that help you reconnect with love — not just in theory, but practically. Here’s what they are and what they meant to me.
1. The Mirror Principle: Looking yourself in the eye and saying “I love you”
In jail, I hated looking in the mirror (plus they weren’t even real mirrors). It reminded me of what I’d done. But this practice — saying “I love you” to the man in the mirror — forced me to confront the part of me that still longs for redemption. And the part of me that God never stopped loving.
2. Affirming Life: Choosing to believe “Life loves me”
At first it felt fake. But over time, affirming this out loud helped soften the inner critic. I realized how often I repeated the opposite: “You blew it. You’re done. You’re unforgivable.” This flipped the script. And I really prefer the term “God loves me.”
3. Following Your Joy
This one is still hard. I’ve lost a lot. My future is uncertain. But even now, I can find joy in the smallest moments — in writing, in connection, in scripture, in my kids’ voices (which I currently don’t hear). I’m learning joy doesn’t have to wait until everything’s fixed.
4. Forgiving the Past
Hay writes, “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.” I’ve replayed everything I did wrong, trying to undo it in my head. But that doesn’t heal anything. Forgiveness means letting go — not forgetting, not excusing — but releasing the grip shame has on me. I’m learning to forgive myself, which might be the hardest kind.
5. Being Grateful Now
I started praying with gratitude and being thankful. Even behind bars. Even under indictment. I had to. Gratitude grounds me when fear takes over. And it reminds me I’m not abandoned. God’s grace still finds me.
6. Learning to Receive
This was huge. I was always the one giving, the one fixing, the one leading. But I didn’t know how to receive love without earning it. Now I see that real healing requires openness — letting love in, letting God father me, letting others care even when I feel unworthy.
7. Healing the Inner Child
There’s a part of me — young, afraid, eager to please — that never felt truly safe. This book helped me start speaking to that version of myself with kindness. Not shame. Not judgment. Just truth: You are loved. You are safe now. We’re going to grow together.
Love and Forgiveness: The Healing Combo I Tried to Earn and Control
This book exposed something big in me — my addiction to control. I tried to control love. Control acceptance. Control outcomes. But love doesn’t work like that. You can’t manipulate it into place. You have to surrender to it.
Forgiveness, too — it’s not something I can “achieve” by fixing everything. There are people I hurt who may never forgive me. That’s a hard pill to swallow. But I’m learning that even if I can’t change their hearts, I can stop punishing myself forever. I can let God’s forgiveness cover me, not because I deserve it, but because He is that good.
Life loves you isn’t just a statement. It’s a lens. When I see my story through that lens, even the worst parts start to look different. They’re not erased — they’re redeemed. They become part of a testimony, not a sentence.
How I Will Change Because of This
· I will speak to myself with kindness, not contempt.
· I will accept love, even when I feel unworthy.
· I will choose forgiveness — of myself, of others, and of the past I can’t change.
· I will look for joy even in the middle of rebuilding.
· I will let love — God’s love, my kids’ love, love from community — come in without trying to control or “deserve” it.
This book helped me believe something I wasn’t sure I could anymore: that even after I blew it, even after the fall, love still has the final word. And if that’s true, then there’s hope for me. For my story. For my relationships. For the man I’m becoming.
