September, 2024, MCC Chicago prison
Learning to Live Different — The Four Agreements
(reading truth behind bars)
I read The Four Agreements while I was locked up. It was one of those books that somehow ended up in my hands at the exact right time. Simple, practical, life-altering truth. And it was short!
The book lays out four “agreements” to make with yourself—four choices for how to live differently. Not in some mystical way, but in a way that actually cuts through the noise and helps you stop sabotaging your own peace.
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
My whole life, I’ve used words to defend, hide, spin, or impress. I’ve said things I didn’t mean. I’ve promised stuff I couldn’t deliver. I’ve lied to others and especially to myself. Sitting in jail with all the lies stripped away, I started to see how much damage that had done—not just to other people, but to me.
Being “impeccable with your word” means speaking with integrity, not gossiping, not tearing yourself down, and not living double-minded. I started practicing this by being honest in my journal. By praying real prayers. By saying less, but meaning more.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
At first, I thought this was impossible. I mean, when you’re facing charges, separated from your family, and trying to make sense of how your life unraveled—it feels personal. But Ruiz helped me see that most of what people do or say is about them, not me. Their judgments, their silence, even their kindness—it’s all coming from their reality.
So I stopped making everything about me. I let go of that victim mindset. Started realizing that even though I’m responsible for my choices, I don’t have to carry shame for what others projected onto me.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
I’ve destroyed relationships by assuming what people think, what they feel, what they’ll do. And I’ve built up whole inner worlds based on things I never asked about or clarified.
Being in jail gave me a lot of time to sit with silence—and I realized how much anxiety I’d created in my life by trying to read minds or protect myself from rejection by assuming the worst. Now I try to ask questions. Be clear. Communicate. And when I don’t know something—I leave space for grace instead of filling it with fear.
4. Always Do Your Best
Not “be perfect.” Not “prove yourself.” Just… do your best. Whatever your best looks like that day. Some days in jail, my best was getting out of bed and reading and praying. Other days, it was writing letters, exercising, facing myself honestly, or encouraging someone else.
Ruiz says your best changes depending on how you feel, how tired you are, what’s going on—but as long as you keep showing up, giving what you’ve got with integrity, it’s enough.
That idea gave me peace. It still does. Because I’m learning to be more human and less hard on myself.
The Four Agreements isn’t flashy. It’s not long. But it’s a guide for how to live with peace—and for me, it was a roadmap out of the chaos I’d been living in for years. What made it powerful wasn’t that the book gave me something new—it’s that it stripped away all the stuff I’d layered on top of what I already knew deep down:
That truth matters.
That peace is possible.
That I can live differently.
Even in a cell.
Even in shame.
Even now.
