I grew up poor. my mother a high school drop out and my father an alcoholic and in and out of prison. They were a very toxic couple. i don’t really have many good memories of my childhood. we lived in northern Maine where my family originated. when i was 8 my parents finally divorced and my mother soon remarried. I remember a time we went to visit my father and he offered to sell my brother, sister and i to my new step father. The man my mother married was a monster and i was scared of him. He would deprive us from food by locking the kitchen cabinets and put a lock on the refrigerator. This man physically, mentally and sexually abused me and my baby sister and sometimes my brother too. Nobody would protect us. I tried telling my nurse in school what was going on and that was reported. When the state began investigating my mother she took me and my siblings out of school and we moved across the states to Wisconsin and then New Hampshire less then a year later. At one point i went to 11 schools in one year. We were on the run a lot either from the state or the law. My mother protected her husband but not her children. This lifestyle continued until i was 15. That’s the first time i went into Juvenile Detention, well twice that year, once for assaulting my mother out of the anger i had for her. I really carried a lot of hate and resentment for her and i just couldn’t understand why she didn’t love me enough to protect me. At that time i lived in Berlin New Hampshire and soon met my first love he was 29 and i was 15. I got my first job working in a hotel cleaning rooms and left home. when i turned 18 I moved back home to Maine where my roots were. I also have 1 other sister and 2 older brothers that i didn’t grow up with that lived in Maine and we never had much of a relationship because my mother didn’t allow it. My family has always been so divided. In 2000 when i was 18 I gave birth to my first child, my daughter Tyana. In 2001 I gave birth to my second daughter, Brooklyn. I became a single mother, their biological father pretty much abandoned us and wasn’t ready to be a father. In 2001 I was in a bad car accident and hit by a drunk driver that almost took my life. I settled quickly on the insurance claim seeing how i was a young struggling single mother living on welfare. I was in a lot of pain at the time so i got on pain management and became addicted to opioids. i also liked the money i could get for selling my medications. I rapidly became more and more addicted to OXY Contain then i was cut off and dropped by my provider and turned to heroin over the next few years i did a lot of drugs, i partied a lot. My life was out of control yet somehow i managed to keep my 2 daughters. My life was hanging by a thread. In 2003 i got clean. I got clean in fear id loose my 2 little girls and afraid they’d end up in the system and separated. I wanted a better life for us. I was ready and wanted it. in 2004 i met Steve (now my ex husband). in 2005 i gave birth to my first son, Jeremiah. life was going really good Steve stepped up and fathered my children. In 2006 i went back to school and completed my G.E.D and enrolled in community college. in 2007 i married Steve and gave birth to my our 4th child, our son Stephen. I dropped out of college during my second semester and went to work. That’s when i started at the cab company. Life was hectic but it was good. I had a good life and was providing my children with what i never had. Stability. I thought i was living the American dream. In 2016 that all came to a halt, because of that accident i had back in 2001 my disks in my neck had deteriorated and shifted pinching off my spinal cord. I couldn’t work anymore and had to undergo 2 spinal surgeries within a year. Also that year i had to have a hysterectomy. I was in a lot of pain and refused pain management because of my past addictions. I also became very depressed. my quality of life was horrible and everything i built i felt was taken from me. I was so depressed and felt useless at one point in time i attempted suicide. Although many years with my husband were good there were many bad times as well. Steve struggled with mental health and could be mentally and emotionally abusive. I would excuse his behavior a lot because he provided a life and stability for me and our children and just tried to pick my battles wisely. In 2018 i went through a serious depression and began seeing a therapist for the first time in my life. That’s when i was diagnosed with multiple mental health diagnosis. Severe PTSD, DEPRESSION, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, BIPOLAR 2 WITH MANIC SLIDES and DISACCOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER. In 2018 i was also diagnosed with FIBROMYALGIA. During this time my husband introduced me to Meth. He said it would help with depression and spice our marriage up. After 15 years of sobriety i was once again sucked into a drug. I began loosing weight and i felt great. However, my marriage fell apart with Steve and his mental illness he would rage in anger. that year i left Steve. After finding out he had an affair and he broke everything in our home my 2 sons and i went into a domestic violence shelter an hour away. I needed to get away from Steve, and the drugs..i needed to start over. I filed for a divorce. I also went through a mental breakdown. I got an apartment for me and my 2 sons in Fort Kent Me. My daughters were living on their own. They had moved out at the age of 16 because of Steve and his abuse. During our divorce Steve manipulated our children and turned them against me the boys as well. He pretty much wined and dined them. I hit rock bottom. Steve is what you would call a narcissists’. All nice to the appearance but the devil in disguise. I was a mess and i was alone. I started getting high again and started dating. I met someone and thought he was great we were having a lot of fun. Two days after my divorce was final i packed up and left Maine and moved to Georgia with my new boyfriend. My children didn’t want anything to do with me and i had nothing left to loose. When i got to Georgia my new boyfriend became a new nightmare for me. He threatened me a lot and was very physically abusive. I had no clue that he was on the run from the law, i guess this is why he convinced me to go to Georgia and i believe now he took advantage of my vulnerability. After a few months he was arrested and extradited back to Maine and i was left in Georgia alone with a broken vehicle and didn’t know anyone for 2000 miles and nobody to help me. I was stranded and had no money and no where to go. i met some people and got some connections i did anything i could to survive. I contemplated suicide, i remember once thinking if i just go out and stab someone walking by id go to prison and get 3 hots and a cot and wouldn’t have to worry about where i was going to get my next meal or where id sleep. This was the real rock bottom. This was also the beginning of COVID 19 so jobs were hard to get as everything was closing down. I needed to get back to Maine back home to my children. During this time i was also filing disability with SSI which was also on hold because of COVID. In April 2020 i made it back home to Maine and began getting my life back together. For a little bit i moved from couch to couch living with some friends doing regulars drug tests to get my sons back. In December 2020 i got my own place and things were really coming together for me. In January 2021 my son Jeremiah was released from Juvenile detention and returned home to me.. I was sober over 6 months and my youngest son Stephen was with me any chance we could get. My ex husband tried everything to sabotage me. Spring of 2021 Steve put a protection order on me taking my communication and visits away simply out of Jealousy. Steve to this day is still sour about our divorce. I fell apart, i hit rock bottom again and lost everything i worked so hard for My children are the key to my success and without them i am nothing. They are my reason to be a better person and my reason for living. I became extremely depressed again and went off the deep end this time. I began using and selling drugs. I was tired of struggling. I began selling meth i was still waiting for disability to come through. This time i went full throttle . i had a year before i could have my son back with me. I needed a home that nobody could take from me, i needed stability and to set myself up for the future until i could get a disability check. I am not proud of what I’ve done or what i did to get there. If i could of found another way to survive i would have. I was on my own with no family to help i had nobody. I started from the bottom and worked my way up. I made goals and i wanted to be done with drugs for good. I would mollify my actions by taking care of family’s in need and once in a while put someone homeless in a shelter for a night. It was easy money and I knew what the outcome would be if i got caught. But then again i knew if i got caught id have food and shelter so the risks to me weighed out. If i didn’t get caught i secured my future and would retire quickly and leave the drug trade for good. i was 1 week away from this. On May 5, 2022 i fell asleep behind the wheel of my truck and hit 2 cement culverts and landed in a cemetery. I was sober but tired. Thank god i didn’t hurt someone i don’t think i could of lived with that. After my vehicle was searched I was charged with aggravated Trafficking and i had a gun. At this time i had no idea i was a felon so i assumed i had every right to have the firearm. I was bailed that day. Then my home was raided and May 12,2022 i was arrested by US Marshalls. I’ve been convicted and imprisoned sentenced to 150 months for the drugs that were seized in my home and 120 months for the guns i had which my time is run concurrently. Since I’ve been incarcerated my children have suffered dearly. My children struggle with no family there for them and have gone through series of tragic events. My oldest grandson had a kidney transplant in April 2024 and my granddaughter almost lost her life in May 2024. I have another granddaughter that is in foster care and a daughter struggling with addiction. My children are all struggling. My children have no living grandparents or functioning aunts and uncles. It has crushed me knowing what I’ve put them through and what they have gone through alone. I am seeking this commutation to ask for a sentence reduction i believe i have done what i can here in prison and utilized the opportunities available to me. However I’m only doing time at this point i have zero needs and my needs have all been met. I’ve worked almost the entire time i have been in prison done many classes and worked on a lot of self help. I believe I’ve grown in many areas of my life and once i am release i will abide by the laws and primarily focus on my mental health and be there for my family as well as the community.
