Another day, I am blessed with a breath of life. Another day I need to ask myself what can I learn today. What can I learn about myself? What can I learn about how to better myself and be the person I was born to be, not the person that this world created? I know now, thanks to my wife that I have a purpose in life. This purpose is to help others through my words and to encourage those who see life as nothing but a challenge and do not believe they can make it. If life were easy we would all do it well, but we can all make it through dedication to our passions and the diligence it takes to look inside ourselves and see our potential. I am thankful for the day, and will seize each day I am given.
When did I make this turn? By Fernando Cordova
When did I make this turn? When did life change? When did I become so detached from reality? How did this affect my life? We all change in one form or another, yet why, for some of us, is the change so drastic we lose a sense of reality?
I can not pinpoint when or where in my life I made this turn. I have had many positive and negative influences in my life, while some kept me rooted to my moral values. Others sent me so far away from reality that I did not even recognize my self. Life changes for us all. It could be as simple as going from grade school to high school or as drastic as parents divorcing. Sadly, the former seems to be the norm these days, which could aid in the creation of a sub-reality where the detachment begins. Have you ever wondered where or when you lost that bit of reality? Trying to run from disappointment or pain.
As I sit here and honestly evaluate my life, I remember when the detachment began. I experienced a lot of trauma as a youth that I carried into my adult life. Yet those events did not bring me to create my reality. This all began when I lost hope in life. In 1997, I was incarcerated, and I was handed down the same amount of years that I had been living. This is when I began to detach myself from a sense of normalcy, believing life would never be the same. Have you ever felt like falling into a rabbit hole that had no end? Well, this was my reality.
I chose to detach myself, not knowing the lasting effects it would have not only on me but also on all those who crossed my path.
I did not realize the long-term effects of my detachment until my wife came into my life. We all have the necessity to fight our grim realities, at least this is what we turn them into when things do not go as planned. We may combat these realities through the use of mind-altering substances or even by working more hours, yet we must face the truth. My wife began to ask me very deep and open-ended questions that were morally based and honestly to a normal way of thinking. I was so far detached from life that in the reality I created, I wanted to play god. I wanted to decide the fate of others. I had no real sense of what love was; I had no sense of what family was due to my complete detachment from reality. Which led me to many disturbing thoughts. In my twisted reality, all were against me, all could be used to my benefit, and would eventually leave my life. I never viewed myself as the problem. One day, I was complaining to my wife about an issue I was having. Her response was, “Don’t you see that you created that mess?” yet I could not understand her way of coming to that conclusion.
Now that she has brought me out of the rabbit hole, I can see how far detached I was. I had to replay the moments of my life and our conversations and realize that for years upon years, I viewed things in such a detached way. I became a victim of my creation. I was so affected by this that if I lost a family member or a good friend, I did not feel the pain. By the next day they were forgotten, this is not a healthy way to live. It is a reality that many of us do this, although some at a lesser degree than others.
In conclusion, detachment affects not only you but also those who love you. We must all check our realities because feelings such as pain, agony, anxiousness, love, joy, and excitement are great things. Find where you made that turn and get off that road at the first exit. Come back to who you truly are and face the realities of life; you will be so much happier.
