Being human, One month in.
Being from the deep South and being raised with the impeccable manners my Mother taught me has always helped me in life. I was taught to stand up straight, look people in the eye when speaking, to say things like Maam and Sir and Please and Thank You. You would be hard-pressed to find someone as polite and as aware of proper etiquette as I am. So imagine the shock I have trying to speak with someone who holds my life in their hands and having them refuse to even look in my direction. To hear the anger in their voice at me for having the audacity of coming into an “open House” and asking a question.
I know that I broke the law. I know that I am being punished, but I can not accept and will not forgive being treated as something less than a Human Being.
It has been a struggle to write posts because I’m afraid of saying something that would set me up for retaliation and I desperately am trying to remain positive despite the situation but I need to express myself.
I remember speaking to Michael Santos on the phone and wondering why he put so much emphasis on this idea of doing my time with dignity. I now understand more of what he meant. I am struggling in this place.
I self-surrendered here and was 1 point from a minimum. So apparently I am to endure some time here. The recreation yard has been closed more than it is opened. No RDAP is offered here.
We got a new Chaplain this week and his first official act was to kick our N.A. group out of the chapel so we are no longer able to meet. The same day they pulled someone out of our dorm overdosing. That N.A. group was the bright spot of my week. I hope we can get it restarted. I will find a way to do this time with dignity and with my head held high. I just never expected so much resistance to bettering myself and doing the right thing. Say some prayers for me and drop me a line. My connections outside of these walls are what keep me sane.
Look for my next post “But how did you make cheesecake out of coffee creamer?”