Initially as I came into the camp environment you seem to attract certain characters into your life or God directs them to you. As you start talking initially it seems the conversation always leads back to either complaining about our current situation or surroundings or rehashing the events (including the investigation, plea/trial, sentencing, etc..) that have led to this point or this set of circumstances. So as I see it we have a choice… stay stuck there or work on a solution or accept our current fate and learn the lesson(s) I believe God is teaching each one of us. So as one longtime inmate (Eddie B.) pointed out, you can use this as a halftime/timeout and a chance to reflect on your heart, your patterns and ways of life that have led you to this point and how you may change moving forward to make life more meaningful for yourself, your family and others in the next half.
One concept that was brought to me right away by the above mentioned inmate was this idea of control of this safe, seeming perfect, little life with your family and really letting go. I was holding on too tight to a lot of things in my life especially my businesses, which were ripped out of my hands. Now my oldest son and daughter have had to take on that role, run the businesses, manage, make decisions, organize, operate and develop their overall business acumen. For my wife, it gives her an opportunity and maybe an appreciation for how I contributed to the family on a daily basis. For my mom, this entire situation has been something that she couldn’t control, and she had to really let go and just trust God with all these events to date. I definitely think this has created a deeper dependence on God for her! So this whole situation may not be all about me… it may also be about removing me from a lot of situations, for a brief period, from their lives so that they can grow in their journeys. My brother has written to me everyday since I’ve been in camp, which is the most I’ve talked to him in 30 years, so maybe my situation helps him in dealing with his daily challenges or struggles, gives him some clarity and draws us closer at the same time.
I have read through 9-10 books already (more than I have read in years) on topics like trusting the Lord, overcoming adversity, leadership, mentorship, or handling life changes. This is addition to my daily Bible reading. One really cool thing God has done is point out verse John 15:5 to me four times over a week… once in a computer (I work at Unicor), my daughter Paulina had mentioned she heard about it at a conference she was at, it was in a book I was reading and in Chapel that Sunday we studied that verse. I have also been learning the importance of Armoring up with the Word of God daily and praying for protection over my family and the importance of other’s focused mentorship. And finally, learning about the importance as a male of having an adventure, meaning spending some time in the outdoors, in nature with God, and again battling the enemy daily, and having a beauty to share it with, which I’m thankful I do in my wife Julie. I do need to slow down, delight in her, and let her know and feel that she is seen, heard, and valued. However, you don’t want your wife to have to try to validate or invalidate you… Cause unfortunately you’ll never measure up in her eyes.
The final concepts that I have been working on is reprioritizing our family life, which is just theory and observation at this point. Running kids to extra curricular activities, sports, drive times, travel, and few (if any) family dinners together is a recipe for disaster and not a life I want to pass on to my kids. Intentional dinners, quality family time, and family sports are what I’m interested in moving towards. I also have learned that developing a routine in my daily life and exercising are critical as well for me.
