*All posts are from audio voice recordings*
Today is Sept 12, 2024, Thursday morning.
I’m at work and, I am going to be off delivering milk. So yesterday was the day. Yesterday was the day of reckoning. Yesterday was when everything stopped and I had to come face to face with the consequences that I’ve made. My bad, excuse me, with the choices that I have made. And it’s a little strange. When you are face to face with the choices you made and they put it in a slideshow, it looks really bad. You really start thinking and recollecting like, dang, was it really that bad? Did I really do all that? And you start to question yourself. Well, maybe they got it wrong. But, nah, in reality, I knew what I had done, and looking back at that moment now, “I wish I knew better back then”. I thought I was helping people when that ended up not being the case. I thought I found the “secret sauce”. Yes. I got this one tip, and I know everyone has done it. I never thought that the secret sauce would be looked at as fraud. With the repetition of doing it so much, I didn’t even understand the consequences that came with it. I had rationalized it in my brain, So I thought this is okay. And with the information I got, I said to myself oh, don’t worry about it, this flies under the radar since it happens to everybody. But in reality, it really didn’t. One question I asked myself in taking accountability of this matter is, would I have done it if I knew it didn’t fly under the radar? Or would I do it because somebody told me it was going to fly under the radar, which is what I thought. Would I have made better decisions? Would I have done things differently? Hell yeah. Just knowing that you can get in trouble for something will make you not do it. Honestly. When you think…. man, this might get me in trouble, that’s kind of what keeps you from doing certain things. The punishment keeps you from doing things. That’s why people don’t do certain crimes because of the fear of the punishment, and I surely never wanted to end up on this side of the coin. You understand what I mean?
Now when it comes to taxes, early on in my thinking, people would come in and ask me questions. I say, yeah. I could put what you want me to put down, but this is on you. I could do whatever you want me to do. But that’s the issue. Whatever you asked me to do I did it. I was a people pleaser and i thought, I’m just doing what they sometimes asked me. But when you step back and look at it the way it was explained, no…..now you’re aiding and abetting. I’m like, what are you talking about? I’m not aiding. Hold on, I have to stop and start thinking about it. Yeah. I thought I was just helping, I was trying to please everyone. Well, I thought it was all on them. But I’m actually aiding and abetting. And when you say it like that, in different terms, it makes you think about things differently. Now you have to sit back and think, oh, damn. I did do that. That’s exactly what I did. And over my years, I’ve learned more now than when I started and gained new information. I’ve seen some things. And when you rationalize something, you think your okay, but everything else is bad.
For instance, the PPP loan. I’m like, oh, don’t do that. That’s a scam. People tell me, no it’s not my friend just did it. I tell them their crazy. What about the EIT? I say, no, man. That’s crazy. You don’t want to do that either. The latest thing, the glitch. No. You don’t want to do that. What about depositing fake checks. Nah dog, you don’t want to do that either. I knew not to do that because I got a fake cashier check back in the day and I cashed it. Thinking, oh, man. I just sold my car for more then what I wanted. I’m going to get this money and boom my bank account got frozen. The bank started asking me all these questions. And from that day on, I was like I will never take another cashier check like this again. Why? Because it almost messed and jammed me up.
So, after yesterday’s zoom, I kind of knew where everything was going. I knew that I did a bunch of schedule d’s, which is a nonbusiness bad debt. I’m thinking like, oh, it’s no problem. Nonbusiness bad debt it shouldn’t be too bad because everyone has lost money. But when they start putting slides, I was like, goddamn, I did that much. When you do so many clients, you kind of start to get tunnel vision. You only see numbers and not exactly realizing what you’re inputting. And I’m doing it so much that’s it’s nothing but putting numbers down. It becomes kind of like you already rationalized everything in your head. Then I noticed something. They said you did some schedule C, and yes I know what I did. I sometimes did what people asked me to do sometimes. They didn’t want a negative, they don’t want to owe the IRS. They just wanted a way out of paying back. So, I said you have to start a business. Not once thinking, oh, this is aiding and fraud. You’re aiding in doing something. Your name is on this, and this is also on you. Just not thinking. I mean, not comprehending everything at that time. Now, I didn’t realize it till later on. When I started, getting some good information. They said Oh, come on. You’ll get in trouble for this. Woah. Woah. Woah. What do you mean I get in trouble for this? And that’s when I started switching up my practices. Clyde, you need to keep records. They said, If they ever come for you, which they will, you need to have documentation on everything someone tells you. I do? Oh, shit. Alright. Cool. Let me start getting my documentation up. Started taking pictures. Started having people sign things. Then I found out that I can put people on a payment plan if they are negative. Then I started to print out W4 paperwork so people can switch their deduction so the problem would be fixed going forward. And I thought, okay. I’m in the clear. I’m good. But for future reference, let me start doing things now the right way. The way I should have been doing them in the first place, I should have done more research to make sure I was doing everything right. But that time is too late now. They on me. They got me. And everything was going how I thought it would go yesterday until they said, we got you on camera. We got you on video!!! This is a slam dunk case. Like, hold on, I don’t like the way they said it, but it doesn’t matter because they can spin it however, they want to. Now you are now in the spider’s web. What are you going to do? From day one of this investigation, when I knew it was an investigation, I thought if I should be doing taxes that next year. I said, yes, I’ve been doing things wrong. And let all my clients know what was going on. I have done certain things wrong. I’m under federal investigation. If they come to talk to you, you got to be honest with them and tell them the truth. My clients said, okay, Clyde, We got you. Some people were mad. Like come on Clyde you need to know everything, and it wasn’t that they were mad at the money. It wasn’t even mad that I did things wrong. They were mad that they’re being questioned about the situation. Which is very interesting. But I understand them. This dude got me some extra money. But it looks like he’s going down now. So, I don’t want to be seen next to the guy going down. I have certain people that’s like, yo, Clyde. Come on now, It’s a couple hundred bucks. Why they are coming after you for a couple hundred dollars when there’s so many people are getting millions of dollars, you’re a small fry why don’t they go after the big corporations. I told them, nah. I have to take accountability for this. I did it, it’s doesn’t matter what I thought, it’s what I did . It doesn’t matter what you or I think. Ignorance is no exception for the law. So I have to take accountability and ownership for what I’ve done. I’ve done that because I’ve taught my kids to do that. I don’t want my kids growing up to think, oh, dad’s a hypocrite. So even when I had the conversation with my kids, I said listen, I messed up. I’m a bad father. They said you’re not a bad father. I said, yes…. See, what I’ve learned in life, people don’t want to take accountability for the bad shit they do. But see, the bad shit you do is a staple. It’s supposed to be pinned up. So you look up and be like, shit. I don’t want to do that ever again. I don’t want to be that person with excuses. I don’t want to do that cause I want to lead. I always tell my kids a story when I was running late to work. I’m driving fast. I’m driving 95mph and I look over and I see the cop. And for a split second, I passed the cop and thought, I could lose him. I could ditch him. And for a split second, I turned off my lights. Then my brain said, why? You caught. You was wrong. So I turned back on my lights. I pulled over. The cop pulled up behind me. This cop said, if you would’ve kept going, I probably wouldn’t have caught you. He said, and your lights went off. Yes I said. And you turn it back on. Yes I said again. Why? At that moment, it was a crystal clear, because I was like, I’m wrong. I’m speeding. I’m not supposed to be speeding. I was late for work, but that’s not justification for me speeding. And when I said that to the cop, the cop looked at me and said okay. He went back to his car. Now at that speed, I could have been arrested, reckless driving, and points against my license, everything else. The cop came back with a ticket. I’m going to put you as doing 80 in a 65. I looked at the cop. He just said, thank you for being honest, I see you have a CDL. I don’t want to mess that up completely. But I do want to issue you this warning. The next cop might not be so nice. From that day forward, I didn’t speed to work. If I was late, I was late. But what I did do, was on my phone, I put about four or five different alarm clocks to make sure I was never late again. Because the day, I got a ticket. I also got a one day suspension from work. My boss said, Clyde, if you’re late again, you get two day suspension. From that day forward I was never late again. That consequence taught me not to be late. That consequence taught me what I really needed to implement in my life going forward. That every choice comes with consequences. You may not like the consequences, but at the same time, you must understand what is being said. It doesn’t matter what your reasoning is. You must understand what is being said and understand how “not to be in that situation again.” And that one lesson happened in 2018. Yeah. 2018. March of 2018. And since that day in 2018 to 2024 I’ve never been stopped for speeding or even attempted to go that speed again. I wasn’t going to mess up my money, mess up my life, that would mess up my ability to provide for my family and everyone else that depends on me.
So fast forward now, I’m in the same situation again. But now I have worse consequences. I’m facing twelve to eighteen months in prison. I’m going to be labeled a felon. Now I already came to grips with that, the minute the investigation started, I said, I’m not beating this investigation. But the longer it goes, the better I thought I had a chance. I was like, oh, man. It’s been two years. And if it goes longer, I might be in the clear. Then I get a break. I got a small break. The small break was the people that were on my case weren’t on the case anymore. But that left me in a place of false hope, a false window of hope that, maybe I might get out of there. Then in August, I got a phone call from the 1st attorney I hired. He said, Clyde, they’re ready to indict you, and my heart dropped. My heart sank. Because I knew from right then and there it was over. It was a wrap. I was done. Everything in my life was about to change. And He said, Clyde, you should hire another lawyer. Alright. Now before that, I’m in debt, big time debt. Half is helping people out and The other half is trying to really save my trucking business, but it is still a mess. I still owe at least $20,000 to get my truck business to a zero balance. my trucking business has been a complete wash. And, looking at my life, I say, you know what? I’m going to do something I don’t want to do. I’m deep in debt. I’m not making up money fast enough. I’m going to refinance my house. So that’s what I did. I was planning to refinance my house but when I got the call. And thought now I’m going to jail, I’m like, now I have to refinance this house. I need $15000 to give to this lawyer. I scraped up the money. I got the $15000. And I said, okay. Let’s see what will happen. Even though I knew what’s going to happen. Even though in the zoom I was going to get that, I knew I was going to take the plea. I said, I can’t fight these people. I’m going to lose this situation. I’m at their mercy. Whatever they want to say. I knew what the charges was. Oh, It was up to three years. I already knew that. So, after everything they said I realized, damn, that some people lied, but that’s always going to happen. Why would people help me if they’re ass are in the fire? Well, one thing I’ve had to learn in life, everyone’s not going to be like me and say I did it. And I think that’s one of the toughest things to understand, because I try to treat people the same way that they would treat me. So, when I told people to be honest, I said, yo, be honest. I didn’t take care of some people the right way because I didn’t disclose the bad debt I just assumed. And once again, I rationalized it. Most people lost money from our conversation so everything is all good. So that one thing I did, came to bite me in the ass. Now, a few people they showed me, I know exactly what I did and they told me to do it. But when in the light, it’s easier to blame somebody else. And they never said yeah. I knew exactly what was going on, and I told him to do it. Why would they do that? Oh, you’re in trouble. Well then It’s on him. He did it. And the only reason I noticed is because I was told how the interview went. But it doesn’t really matter. No. No. It doesn’t really matter how the interview went. It doesn’t matter what they even asked them. It matters that I messed up. And I must pay the price for that. Am I worried about paying the money? No. Clyde worried about going to prison? No. What’s the most to worry about? That I have been the rock for so many people. So many people depend on me. And now I have let them down. Then I let myself down. And I can’t say, well, Clyde, you were going to do the right thing or you started doing the right thing. It doesn’t matter what I was trying to do. It doesn’t matter what I did after. It’s the matter that you did the wrong thing initially. Clyde it doesn’t matter. See, when I’m looking at this situation, I get to look at the way that I look at my kids. They always just want to explain the reasons for why you did something. Even as adults, what I’ve learned is it’s not good to explain at first. It’s good to listen. Because if somebody’s telling you something, they’re telling you something from a reason. You probably don’t even understand the point of view that they’re coming from. Why? Because I say the same thing. My boys come and tell me things, and I have to look at it from the other perspective. So, when they were talking, I said, you know what? I’m wrong. From their perspective, you’re right. I’m wrong. There are laws identified over law. I deserve to be punished. That’s it. Now I have an ethics code. Well, Clyde, do you have ethics when it comes to taxes now? Yes and No. Because I rationalize some of them. But now I’m like, well, just give it to me. Whatever you have, whatever you want to give to me. And let me take it and let me hold it. You understand what I mean? Let me endure whatever pain I’ve caused, whatever crime I have done. That’s part of it. But that would only be if I was by myself. If my kids were all older. Bills paid, I’d be like, yo, give me everything. Let me sit. And let me atone for what I’ve done. I use the situation from Naruto anime when Sasuke lost his arm. Sasuke did so many harmful things like trying to kill people and destroy the village he came from. But he had a change of heart and, Sasuke, helped win a war that would have destroyed his home. You cooperated with us. So since you cooperated, since you lost your arm, we’re going to give you another arm . He said, no, I don’t want it. They said, why? Because that’s my atonement. I want to always remember where I’ve been so I can never go back there again. So, a part of me is like, yes, send me to jail, so it’s etched in my psyche. yes, give it to me because it’s going to make me conscious of what I never want to do again, what I never want to put my family and my clients through again, what I am putting my kids through. But the pain is going to cause more pain but pain for me is nothing new . I’ve always said I’m going to endure whatever happens . Whatever comes to my life, I’m going to get through it. Why? Because I got people that depend on me. People that need me and I’m mad because I failed them. When you look back at everything you did, it’s so many good things you did like, damn, it’s all going to be taken away from this one decision . From this? Yes. That’s life. It’s not fair. Fuck fair. Nothing is fair. When I’ve learned in life, things are balanced. That’s it. It’s all about balance. I was out of balance. So, I got to be put back in balance. It’s a harsh reality of things. Yes. It’s going to hurt. Yes. It’s going to be painful. Yes. It’s going to be life changing. But this is what happens when you’re out of balance. And that effects everything, when you’re out of balance. It just sucks because balance isn’t fair. It’s not fair when we look at the animal kingdom and, cheetahs have to eat the baby animal. Oh, that isn’t fair to the babies. But it’s the balanced circle of life. It’s not fair that I got to work sixty hours a week and someone else only have to work forty with less work, but its balance. It’s not fair that somebody has one arm or one leg. So yeah someone else has to balance. Balance is not fair.
I want to keep audio so I can listen back and I can write. Well, Clyde, what do you want to do now? What are your plans now? Ever since the pandemic, I seen a whole bunch of fake gurus coming up and say, oh, this is what you do for taxes and this is what you could do. When I see a lot of people on TikTok gaining fame and saying the wrong things, they don’t get challenged. I started watching JT the pocket watcher, even before my case started, he directed me into a different light. And I looked at him and I wanted to be just like him. But now, knowing I can’t, That still doesn’t mean I cannot help people. If I was going to help people before, I need to help people now. It is not going to be in the capacity that I want. No. But can I still do it? Yes. Now it’s time for me to take my shameful run. A lot of people only post good things and only want to talk about the good. No one want to talk about bad things. No. The bad must be talked about because guess what? The bad brings balance. Oh, Clyde, you were stupid. How could you think like that? You know what I was. How could you do that? I wasn’t thinking, it’s good for you. It is. See, a lot of people might try to use things against me, but you can’t. Nobody’s harder on themselves than me. The judge cannot be harder on me. The citizens cannot be harder on me because I got to live with this shit. When you strive to be something and you miss the mark, you don’t give up. You can’t give up. I can’t give up. Oh, yea, the next couple years going to be hard? Fuck yeah. But that just means I got to work harder. If I thought I worked hard before, now I got to work even harder because now I went back to zero. Because when you lose your reputation, when you lose the thing, the trust, that’s the hardest thing to get back. You know why? Because people still don’t trust me. It’s been twelve years I’ve been trying to build that trust back up, and I still have not earned it yet. And it might never come back because some things can’t come back. That’s another thing that I’ve learned that some things can’t come back. And this is not something I’m going to get back. This is not something I’m going to get off my record. Yes. It’s now going to be hard. Yes. It’s going to be difficult. Some people, they will understand. Some people, they won’t. But that’s just what comes with this territory. That’s just what comes with it. What come with life. What is going to have to come of me? I have to figure out how to make the people I put in this situation whole. They said they interviewed 30 people. I don’t know if they’re lying. But those 30 people, out of half of them, they don’t even contact me no more. I got to figure out how to make their life and ease their pain because I took something away from them. That’s what I have to do. And the first step is admitting to things I’ve done wrong. What white collar advive has done is they have reinforced what I already knew, but now I got to stand out the mountain top and say I fucked up. And I need to atone for what I fucked up about. Well, Clyde, everybody fucks up. In one way or another, everybody fucks up. Yes. That is true. But everybody’s fuck up is different depending on where they are at . I’m supposed to be the smart one. I’m supposed to be the one, and I didn’t do it. Well, Clyde, maybe this is good. Maybe this is your reset and another beginning. Maybe you need to stop. Maybe you need to just slow down. Maybe. This was a hard way to do it. A hard way to start over. A hard way to force me to do things I did not want to do. Because now I have to climb. I was already fallen in debt. Now I got to climb back out of this too. Clyde, how you going to do it? The same way I’ve always been doing it. Now I got to double, triple, and even quadruple check my steps before I take them now. Making sure I’m in line. Making sure it’s within the law. Making sure I don’t end up back at this point again. When I do the book, I’m also I have to make it a like a audiobook because I need the emphasis on what I’m trying to say. In the hood, I understand our turmoil’s. I understand the pain, and I understand the low income. I do, but that does not mean we have to do certain things. And after a while, I really started to understand how we have kind of came into this loathing of just woe is me. Not saying, yo, I’m going to ride I’m going to go above and beyond what I have to do. I’m going to get better. I’m going to do better. And before all this, I had my insurance license. Before this, I did credit repair. I wanted to help people. Then I then realized credit repair is not the answer. Well, Clyde, what’s the answer? I’ve listened to a Dave Ramsey and really understood what he meant. Robert Kiyosaki is budgeting and understanding business. The only things that separate the haves and the have nots is what they know. What they know will get them into a place to be okay. And I thought I was going there, but even when I look back it’s a No… It’s hard to stay on a path. We got so much stuff blocking us. It’s hard to see the sun when the trees are blocking your view. But you know the sun is there. Well, Clyde, how do you know the sun is there? Because it’s light out. When the sun goes down, it’s dark. So, just because you don’t see the sun, you don’t think the sun is there? You’re going to have to get up there. You’re going to have to cut down some branches. You’re going to have to get dirty. But also, if you’re going to do that, you have to be safe. You can’t take the shortcut. Because what happens when you take the shortcut, you end up falling short. Then you start to fall, and now you break a leg. So now to get to even look at the sun, you’re going to have to work harder. It’s going to take longer. I think, that’s one of the issues. A lot of things right now is information. Like I tell the kids, the information is there. We all have information. The information is all around us. We have smartphones with a lot of information. They look at but if you look at the information, it’s now getting more and more cloudy. There’s more and more stuff online. Social media has become a very, corrupt place of information because now, you don’t know what’s real. So how do you what’s real? How do you know what is right? It’s going to come down to checking so called facts. It’s going to come down to checking if sources are accurate to make sure it is real. Even though the IRS professor told me, oh, Clyde, this is the way. It may have been the way back then. Is it the way now? See, I didn’t even think about it that way. The rules change. Everything’s changing. Well, Clyde, you didn’t know. Well, I also didn’t do my research now, did I? I also didn’t do my due diligence. So everything that’s coming to me is needed to come to me for a reason. It’s going to be a hard lesson, but at the same time, it’s needed. It’s going to be a branding. So, every time I look at my arm and look at my chest, I get to see that F. I going to have to re remember what I did, where I am ,and where not to go to again. Clyde, do you ever think that you’ll be in the system again? Probably not. I’m about halfway through my life. But I still got another forty years left. You are and you’re already down for the count. What you’re going to do from here from this day on to now is going to define how your life works. Now you got another $125,000 on your head. Right? What are you going to do?
Same thing I should have been doing from day one, busting my ass. Well, now you have no choice. Your back is against the wall. So I guess I better start getting it going. So, I’m going to end this ride. It’s now 06:47. I might have to go and start my day. I’m going to try to throughout the day, just come back and just have my thoughts going and be thinking all day. I’m going to come back and start, you know, have a have a manuscript and just start writing how to or how to tell people how to avoid this. But a lot of people don’t know. They see the Internet, and they hear their friends. They don’t know. And even though I started talking about it, even though I started doing it before the charges came up, it doesn’t matter because the charges are already here. The question is, what am I going to do now? What am I going to do going forward? How am I going to make sure that no one else falls into my same pitfall? That’s going to be the question. So, I’m going to go forward. No Tears, I haven’t cried in so long, and I’m not going to now. I am going to keep pushing forward. I’m not going to let this define me, but I am going to make this bigger stark reminder what can always happen to anybody, anybody in my situation, anybody. It only takes one thing to come into motion to put you at the crossroads. Talk to y’all later.
