11/24/2023 (Day #4349)
Remorse, amends, atone
In therapy and treatment, we have discussed remorse, guilt, shame, making amends for our behavior…many of the feelings and actions associated with feeling remorseful for having acted badly in some way towards others, hurting them, and/or victimizing them. Despite appearances of my not having reached out to people, I have pretty often actually considered reaching out to people that I’ve hurt to offer my apologies to them. It’s something I still consider, even today. I haven’t, though, because the discussions in therapy and treatment also included the potential negative impact of reaching out to someone to apologize and winding up “re-opening old wounds” or bringing something back to the surface that someone might have worked to process and put behind them. The last thing I want to do in any scenario is create more sorrow, pain, or grief, so I haven’t reached out and apologized out of consideration of the potential negative repercussions. I’d rather err on the side of caution. The remorse is there, though, and the willingness to offer sincere, heartfelt apology will remain there unless or until circumstances present themselves that assure no added grief for the victims of my actions, the people that I’ve hurt.
Remorseful and considerate of the feelings of the people I hurt.