Journal Entry: Andrew Gerald Millas-11/17/2023

Journal Entry

11/17/2023 (Day #4342)

Regard for others

Today we had our monthly SOTP-NR Follow-up Group meeting. Now that we’re in the “Holiday” season, some of our discussion today addressed different ways we deal with the Holidays. For me, I’ve learned that my best practice is to somewhat disconnect or detach from the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years hoopla. I acknowledge and accept the various exposures and experiences, and try to leave it at as much “cursory” intake as I can. This just isn’t the environment that I want to curate or enable holiday-related memories. I try to be as supportive and festive as my support network is, and I do enjoy their communicating different aspects of their celebrations and gatherings. And I keep my kids in mind, as usual, wondering what they’re doing, what activities they are enjoying. Beyond that, I just don’t “invest” too deeply in the Holidays aspect within the environment here. I don’t really celebrate my Birthday with others here, it’s something that I prefer to keep “personal” to my family and friends.
I did share the information for Prison Professors Talent with the other group members today, and related as much as I could think of about my own experience and perspective of the site so far. I hope they will join and participate, too. I feel like that is partially a reflection of the Guiding Principle, Regard for Others, and I believe there’s some Personal Philosophy reflected to, Service to Others.
Maintaining this regular reporting of goals and objectives seems to be helping me hold myself accountable. I’m good with that. If it winds up helping or encouraging others to hold me accountable, I’m good with that, too. So far, so good, though. I might have been doing something similar, or maybe something on the fringe of what I’m doing on here, in my written journal previous to joining PPT. My written journal work has fallen off since joining, though, and that’s something I’m trying to sort out and re-initiate. Discretion and confidentiality concerns do dictate some of what I relate or convey on here due to the public accessibility, but my written journals are not subject to the same public access so they are not “redacted” or subject to the same limitations.
My primary motivation for the written journals from the very beginning was to ensure that my kids had written record of my not ever forsaking or forgetting them, and a chronicle of my activities, thoughts, and feelings that they could have access to someday to read and hopefully understand more about me, what’s happened, and a lot of background and evolutionary insight to miscellaneous things. Over time, the written journals became somewhat therapeutic and served as another outlet to express myself freely. I believe there are about 10 or 11 volumes of the journals so far, all the way back to about 2014 or 2015. One thing I’ve been very specific and intentional about with them is that I write what I write, and that’s it, I rarely go back and re-read or review what I’ve written. That’s been beneficial at times to help me just express things and then let them go. For example, I went through a pretty difficult breakup of a romantic relationship back just before I began active SOTP-NR, and my journal writing helped me tremendously to get through that. (That relationship ending afforded me some valuable insight to the difficulty of the whole “Love During Lockup” scenario…)

Steadily working on me to be the best me I can be.