Journal Entry: Andrew Gerald Millas-10/12/2023

Journal Entry

10/12/2023 (Day #4306)

Memorable days, days of remembrance…

Today my Dad would have been 97. None of us expected him to pass away the way he did, the “Vegas money line” had “construction equipment accident” as a heavy favorite on his demise, followed by “fatal fall/explosion/other”. He suffered and battled for decades, and repeatedly defied the odds to win the battles. His picture should be included in the dictionary with the definition for “resilience” because he truly embodied it. His passing was shocking, sudden, tragic. One of the things we all considered when he passed was that finally, after so many years, he could catch his breath. For me, my literal breathing was fine; figuratively, not so much because I dove into trying to fill the void he left and I was unprepared mentally and emotionally to even fill 10% of his shoes. Thankfully, we’d made our peace with each other long before his passing and found things to accept and appreciate about each other, and we were able to collaborate and work together harmoniously. I’m grateful that he saw there were things I could do that were beyond his immense skillset, and he entrusted me to do those things and be an asset to projects. My skillset began with him, what he taught me, and what he instilled in me about the value of being able to do things on my own so I didn’t have to call in someone else. Knowing the value he placed on that, and his entrusting me with doing things he couldn’t do, priceless.
Some have pointed to his passing as the “beginning of my downfall”, and I disagree with that. Maybe it was a landing on the stairwell down, it wasn’t the origin point, though. I was already headed downward before then. I know he’d be disappointed, even angry with me, for what I’ve done since then and where I am now. I don’t believe he would have given up on me or threw me aside. A good portion of my motivation derives from the desire to be the son he deserved, that my mom deserves, the dad my kids deserve, and I lean on that motivation to keep striving towards my goals. I think about my dad and send Prayers up that include him daily.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you and miss you.

At peace that my dad is at peace.