11 Aug 2023 (Day #4244)
I think it’s objectively accurate, and fair, to say that my life pre-arrest was complicated. I complicated things myself – lack of coping skills, emotional immaturity, and addiction all had a role. To be clear, though, I do NOT, will NOT, point at anything or anyone to assign BLAME or JUSTIFY my behavior. I own my behavior, 100%, then, and, especially, NOW. “Old me” was pre-arrest, complicated, confused, lonely, aloof, etc. “Old me” lived in a “reactive” state of mind. “New me” is post-arrest, honest and transparent, more confident, present, clean and sober, empathetic, and compassionate. “New me” is “proactive”, mindful of the decisions I make and their consequences. Change is possible. I point to my work, the progress I’ve made, and the changes that have accompanied the work. I was “Care Level 2” for mental health, that prescribed regular, frequent therapy sessions. After years of therapy and putting what I learned into use on a regular basis, last year in May I was downgraded to “Care Level 1”, therapy is now on an “as-needed basis”. Being more proactive now in “New me”, I do still seek out therapy sessions periodically. Dr. W. calls them “booster shots”, I look at them as “calibrations”. Either way, the point is, I am driven by a desire for continual improvement, I’m not sitting back and basking in any progress. I’ve taken great steps to simplify myself – I learned in the Army, KISS – Keep It Simple Sonnyboy (I choose not to engage “stupid” in my self-talk). The result is who I am today, and who I continue to strive to be in the future. I hope that is clearly reflected in my personality, my character, and my actions. I’m authentically me now, simple and transparent.
Strength over misery? I choose strength.