I used ask myself all the time if I could make it to the end of my sentence. I was only 22 at the beginning and I looking at being at least 47 by the time I got out worst case scenario if I lost all my good time I’d be in 52. I’ve known plenty of inmates who have lost all their good time and don’t even blink an eye. one of my good acquaintances in did 10 years with before he got out lost every single day of good time credits. his philosophy was that now that he had nothing to lose they could never really punish him further or threaten him when he got into trouble because they had to let him out regardless. he constantly got caught doing the prison things like making wine, holding drugs, stealing massive amounts of food from the kitchen, and numerous other things too all to make a few stamps, which is our version of money in here. i asked him one time if it was all worth losing the chance to get out early and his response was that he was only doing it out of boredom and that he didn’t really need the money also that he did it because nobody else would do it if he didn’t and he saw himself as a robin hood of the prison. this was all at a USP.
He eventually got out and down the road I met him again at low-security prison that I got transferred to. I was happy to see a familiar face but sad at the same time because he predicted he as coming back for another sentence, that he wasn’t finished with prison. he said he was only free for three months before catching a fifteen-year sentence. but he was perfectly content with his place in the world. he knew how prison operated all the funky rules we make for ourselves. how to kowtow to the cops at the right time before breaking the rules behind their backs. that is the complete opposite of who I want to be. and I wish I could have helped him change his way of thinking before he broke too many rules and ended up getting sent to a high security prison which in his mind was a better environment for him because it offered more respect from both the inmates and the staff. I wish there was some way I could reach him but I realize that some people are set in stone how they think no matter how hard we try. so must accept the fact that I cant help everyone or anyone unless I first focus on myself to hopefully set an example of what person can achieve if not to help others than to prove to myself it is possible.
