September, 2024, MCC Chicago prison
“The Three Questions” — Don Miguel Ruiz
The Three Questions isn’t loud or flashy — it’s quiet truth. I read it while trying to make sense of the wreckage I caused. Prison has a way of boiling life down to the essentials, and that’s what this book did: it asked the three questions that matter most.
- Who am I? – you will know who you are when you see who you are not
- What is real? – you will know what is real when you accept what is not real
- What is love? – you will know love when you realize what love is not
What stood out
I used to answer those questions with roles: I’m a doctor. A provider. A fixer. A man who’s in control. But when I lost all of that, those answers fell apart. And what Ruiz showed me is — that’s the point. Those roles were masks. Who I really am is the one underneath the story. The observer. The soul.
“What is real?” hit me hard too. Ruiz says reality is what exists right now, without judgment, without the story I attach to it. That means the guilt, the shame, the fear — those are interpretations. Not facts. The fact is, I’m here. I’m breathing. I have today. I have God. That’s what’s real.
And “What is love?” I thought I knew, but I had twisted it into something about earning or deserving. Ruiz breaks it down: real love has no conditions. It’s not about getting; it’s about being. Loving without needing. That’s the kind of love I tried to always offer, but I never accepted and never gave to myself. I want to now!
How it applies to me
My whole life I’ve been answering the wrong questions: “How do I succeed?” “How do I stay safe?” “How do I look like I have it together?” Now I see — I was afraid of the real questions. Because they strip away everything false.
In this cage, with no distractions, the mirror’s clearer. Ruiz challenged me to stop identifying with my guilt or my past. I’m not what I did — I’m the one learning from it. I’m the one God still loves in it. And love isn’t something I have to earn back — it’s something I need to accept and give away freely, especially to my kids.
What I learned
- I am not my story. I am the awareness beneath it and the changed man that I become.
- Reality is now. Not what I regret or fear. Just this breath.
- Love is presence, acceptance, and action — not a reward. And God gives it freely.
- My suffering came from believing lies — that I wasn’t enough, that love had to be earned.
How I’ll change
I’ll stop trying to fix everything from the outside in. Instead:
- I’ll sit with the hard questions and let them change me.
- I’ll stop performing and start being — for myself, and for God.
- I’ll listen more. Especially to my kids. Not to fix them — just to love them.
- I’ll build a new life rooted in truth, not image.
This book wasn’t long, but it was deep. Like a quiet voice saying, “You’re still here. Start again. Just be real this time.” And I will.
