Biography: Melinda Bixler
On June 20, 2023, I turned 51 years old. It was uneventful, absent from any celebration. Primarily because I’m just weeks away from beginning an 18-month federal prison sentence. Just months before my big “50” I pled guilty to one federal count of obtaining money through illegal means. Prior to that event, I’d never been in trouble with the law. I’ve watched plenty of crime TV and when I envision a felon, I certainly don’t think of a middle-aged college-educated mother of three. It’s surreal to think that I am a convicted felon. Saying those words still seems aberrant.
Born and Raised:
Born in Salem, Oregon in June 1972, my parents divorced the following year. My mom married my stepfather, Don, shortly after I turned four. He was not a good man. For now, that’s all I’ll say about him. I learned to play the piano and began composing music when I was thirteen years old. I spent the first thirteen years of my life living in my hometown where my grandma, aunts and other extended family lived. In 1985, at thirteen years old, my mom, Don and I moved to York, Pennsylvania because Don got a sales job with a local pool and spa company. I continued playing piano and composing music for many years. In high school I was active in choir and a small select choir group as well. I still reside in the York area today. My sons both live here, which is predominantly why I never moved away from this town. I graduated from high school in June 1990 and the following year, I got married to my high school sweetheart. We had our daughter shortly before Christmas 1991. At 20 years old, I was a married mother with a beautiful little girl.
My Twenties:
The next decade brought a lot of change. By twenty-two I was a divorced single mom; barely making ends meet. My expenses exceeded my income working as a customer account representative and teller at a local bank. I lived in a perpetual state of financial stress and crisis. Between paying for an apartment, utilities, a car, daycare, and food, I was lucky if I had $20 remaining. I relied upon my tax refund to pay down the utility bills that had accrued. Running low on diapers and fuel, I often wondered how I was going to make it until payday. It wasn’t uncommon for me to dig in the sofa cushions, under the car seat or in coat pockets hunting for change. Although I would have qualified, I didn’t want to accept government subsidies such as food stamps. I cringed when I considered the humiliation I’d feel in grocery store check-out line. There’s a stigma around people who receive government assistance and I didn’t want to be part of those statistics. In reflecting, it was predominately because of ego and pride.
If I didn’t change my circumstances, I knew poverty would be a lifelong reality and that thought terrified me! A close friend encouraged me to go to college and within a year I began taking part-time courses at York College of Pennsylvania. I year later enrolled full-time. Taking maximum student loans wasn’t ideal but it felt necessary in effort to become financially liberated. Driven by goals, I set a goal to my bachelor’s degree by the time I was thirty. Unexpectedly, I became pregnant, had a son at twenty-five and got married again. I continued putting myself through college. In December 2000, at twenty-eight years old, I obtained a B.S. in Marketing. I was elated that I hit my goal! Although my high school grades had been mediocre, I graduated from college with honors. Outside of motherhood, it was my first real accomplishment. Shortly after graduating, I got divorced, again. Despite that setback, I was determined to be successful as a single mom and show resilience and perseverance. I worked full-time, continued pursuing my master’s degree and of course, motherhood.
Education:
December 2000: Bachelor’s of Science in Marketing
- York College of Pennsylvania
- Magna Cum Laude
December 2004: Master of Business Administration
- Marketing Concentration
- York College of Pennsylvania
- Magna Cum Laude
My Thirties:
I continued pursuing my graduate degree and obtained an M.B.A. (Master’s in Business Administration) in December 2004 when I was 32 years old. I set a new goal of owning my own business by the time I was forty. My dad has spent most of his life as an entrepreneur and although fairly absent from mine, I wanted to have prestige, respect and money. After a series of events resulting in the death of my grandmother, I determined that I wanted to work in the healthcare industry. In my mind, I envisioned working as the head of Marketing for a large hospital system. Certainly, it takes a plan with incremental steps to achieve that.
As a close friend once said, “Years pass regardless of how you spend that time. Why not spend it moving forward towards a goal versus looking back on time wasted.” For the most part, I live life with that at the forefront of my mind. With the goal of working in healthcare, I needed to start somewhere so I began working for a large company with nursing homes and rehabilitation centers throughout the United States. While serving as an Admissions & Marketing Director responsible for a 202-bed facility, I discovered my passion for helping others. I worked hard and was determined to make a difference.
Sure, I needed to make a decent living to support my family, but helping others had tremendous intrinsic value that money couldn’t buy. Often, during interactions with patients, I’d notice the resemblance between her blue eyes and my grandma’s. Other times, someone would say my name with the same Oklahoma-style my grandma had. It always stopped me in my tracks. I looked at those experiences as God’s way of providing comfort and reassurance. Overall, the work was very rewarding, yet emotionally challenging.
I sat with hundreds of families who were guilt-ridden about placing a parent or loved one in a “nursing home.” I held the hands of husbands who sobbed as they were forced to accept that they couldn’t adequately care for their spouse at home anymore. I met with estranged children who wanted nothing to do with their mom or dad. It was always a reminder of several important things. One, we can do our absolute best as a parent, spouse or loved one and still fall short. And that’s okay. Two, the impact of our childhood has a profound undeniable lasting effect on the person we become. Third, forgiveness is crucial to prevent anger, resentment and loneliness. Four, sometimes we make well-intentioned promises only to later face unanticipated variables that prevent us from keeping our promise. It was through these experiences that I realized that making a living was simply a bioproduct of doing what I was passionate about. What I desired was to be remarkable, inspirational and leave a positive lasting imprint on the lives of others.
I worked for the same company in various capacities over five years and then moved on to serve in a similar capacity for a home health agency and later, a retirement community. Regardless of where, I consistently met families who were overwhelmed and lost in the systems designed to help and support them and their aging loved ones. Instead of feeling supported, they felt unprepared, frustrated, and thrust into unknown territory. As my knowledge and experience grew, I became more disheartened by the fact that our social, economic and healthcare systems have a long way to go to effectively and efficiently meet the vast array of needs our society. Economic disparity and prejudices are profoundly present and directly impacts the quality of life for people. And, ultimately, it’s still money that drives the medical industry, not patient needs
I often worked outside of my normal job capacity and invested time into helping families navigate. Solution-based problem-solving became my strength and advocacy became my passion. Many people just needed time to talk and feel heard. They wanted assurance and validation. They needed to know someone with knowledge and experience cared about them and would guide them through their journey. I had a purpose and because of them, my life had more meaning.
At thirty-eight years old I started my first company, E.H.S. Initially focused on geriatric care management and consulting services, I guided, educated and helped families prepare for the road ahead. It didn’t occur to me until I was in my early forties that I’d achieved my goal of starting a business by age forty! I’d been so focused on the steps I was taking to move forward and the value and lessons in each one, that the calendar was an afterthought. What I hadn’t anticipated or built into my plan was becoming pregnant with my third child.
My Forties:
I’d spent the past decade imaging what my 40-something life would look like. For my 40th birthday I’d be vacationing in the tropics with white sandy beaches and transparent blue water. I’d lounge with an adult cocktail in hand and reflect with deep gratitude for the obstacles I’d overcome. I’d celebrate my strength, resilience and not giving up when I’d lost hope. With my two children ages fifteen and twenty, I’d improve my social life; go away on girls-only weekends; grab a drink with friends after work – you know, the life portrayed in movies. Well, the universe had something quite different in mind. Under the universe’s plan, my actual 40th birthday involved having a 3-D ultrasound of my youngest son and indulging in foods that might satisfy my pregnancy cravings. It’s quite comical upon reflection.
As with most things in life, perspective can make or break us; and shift the trajectory of our life. While setting a goal with an actionable plan that includes incremental steps toward that goal is critical, adaptability and flexibility are acutely important. With that in mind, it was during my maternity leave that I decided to take a leap of faith and dive into my business full-time.
At 40 years old, I was a mother of three running my own business. Throughout the first several years, I added services as I recognized additional needs within our communities. I transitioned from solely focusing on the aging population within three counties to providing services for disabled adults as well 60 or more miles away. Word spread and my business experienced massive growth. Four years into full-time operations, my business was actively managing clients in twenty-two counties throughout the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. I hired numerous employees and interns to try to support our clients. I expected exceptional service with individualized and personalized solutions.
Certifications and Memberships:
- 2016 Certification as a National Certified Guardian through the National Guardianship Association and maintained membership and certification requirements until 2020
- 2012 Membership into the National Association of Geriatric Care Managers
- In 2011, I was named Woman of the Year by
Public Speaking:
- 2005-2020, I volunteered as a public speaker to educate on a wide range of topics including Veterans benefits, Social Security, Medicare, Downsizing & Relocation, Levels of Care options, In-home Safety for those with Physical Needs or Limitations, Mental Health, State and Federal Government Programs, Understanding Healthcare, Resources, Advocacy and much more! I presented to:
- Members of senior centers, retirement communities, churches
- Attendees of senior expo’s, health fairs
- Members of Professional Organizations such as the Lancaster County Bar Association (LCBA), Senior Informational Networking Group (SING),
- Attendees of an educational event held at Dickinson Law School
- Employees of the Hospital and Healthsystem Association of Pennsylvania (HAP)
The Descend:
In retrospect, I should have pumped the brakes and turned away business, but I didn’t because I felt too guilty. My philosophy was that we help anyone we can. Regardless of their ability to pay for our services, their past, ethnicity, lifestyle, mental health, housing, etc. I wasn’t going to discriminate. I wanted to help anyone and everyone and frankly, felt it’s my duty as a human being to help others whenever possible. The problem was that it was never enough. I never felt satisfied with all I’d done. I felt pressure to do more and turning people away would reflect selfishness. Sadly, the strengths that propelled my business to success also led to my demise. My lack of boundaries and compulsion to always the help as if I needed to be some kind of hero, was not the strengths I’d always thought them to be. When you throw your life into the trash can and hit rock bottom, there’s plenty of time to introspect and face the unpleasant parts of ourselves we chose to ignore.
Dream into Nightmare:
At 46 I bought a beautiful home that I could only describe as my dream home. I was working 60-80 hours seven days a week and was available 24/7 for clients. I was burning out and it began affecting my mental health in a profound way. It’s not an excuse; it’s simply a fact. After making a series of poor decisions, I came under investigation by local authorities. In January 2020, I was arrested. My home and office were raided, and I began the hardest journey of my life. The reality is that’s what I deserved. My victims deserved better from me. Initially, I justified my poor decisions and placed enormous weight on the advice professionals gave me. Ultimately, I made the wrong choices, behaved poorly and am responsible for the impact they had on others.
Road to Repair, Amends and Transformation:
After forty months of meetings, full cooperation and pleading guilty to one federal felony count, I was sentenced to eighteen months in federal prison on May 24, 2023. From the date of my arrest on January 22, 2020 until now, a lot has happened.
Hope for the Future:
Although the rest of my story is yet to come, one thing is for certain; I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make amends and atone. I recognize that in many ways, I need to completely rebuild aspects of my life such as a career so I can provide for my family and resume being a taxpaying citizen. It will take time to repair my reputation, build trust, establish credibility and right my wrongs. But I am hopeful that in time, with consistence, transparency and action I will rebuild.
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty”
Maya Angelou
