Independence Day without Liberty
While celebrating Independence Day with family, I can’t ignore the thought that I’ll be losing my
freedom and independence in a few short weeks. I try to focus on being in the present instead of
allowing other worries to creep in and become rooted, but it’s REALLY hard! I watched my 10-year-old
playing in the pool with friends, slurping his watermelon with juice running down his chin, and gazing at a
sky full of fireworks with amazement. I fight back tears as I anticipate what his life will be like while I am
behind bars. While society may not consider him a victim of my crime, he is. I fully recognize that my
crime will impact him for the rest of his life, and I can’t articulate my level of regret. We are close, and
he’s never been away from me for more than a few days. Even then, he’s texting or calling because he
misses me. I have failed him.
For much of this legal process, I was consumed by regret. Constantly reflecting on the moments when I
made those bad decisions that led me here. “Why wasn’t I listening to my intuition?” “When did my
moral compass shift?” Why was I ignoring the voice inside me that said, “Melinda, this doesn’t feel
right”? In those times of reflection, I’d find myself scrambling through the rabbit hole, never finding
good answers or anything close to what I was looking for. What I wanted was a do-over, a chance to go
back and do things differently. But I can’t and extensive deliberation won’t change that.
At some point over these past 42 months since my arrest, I began to shift from focusing on the past to
focusing on the future. I’ve accepted that I am, indeed, a convicted felon. That will never change. What I
can change is today and all the tomorrows that follow. More acceptance of the past allows me to invest
my energy into mindfully building a better future. I’m hopeful knowing that I can earn back liberties that
I forfeited through past choices. I have opportunities to make amends with society and rebuild trust
through deliberate action. I’m always finetuning the plans I’ve created to reconcile and rebuild. Planning
is a constant work in motion. I’m focused on the goal, the endzone. I will earn back freedoms I took for
granted. I will do so through authentically giving, sharing, teaching, and learning. I will do so with
integrity, sincerity, transparency, and honesty. I live in the land of the free and will prove that I am
worthy.
