I’m trying to avoid the idea that my journal entries should be profound. I think public journaling has a tendency for this pressure. Really, I’d just like to write about my experiences and how they are changing me. I once was told to journal as if no-one else would ever read my entries. That’s how I keep my personal diary, so maybe I should write with that lens in place. It would make it easier for me.
At lunch I’ll often ask a question which begs for an answer with a positive response. Well, this week I asked a couple of friends, “Tell me one good thing that surprised you this week.” One guy talked of sportsmanlike conduct from someone he didn’t expect. Another guy said his stepson announced he was going to attend college in another city- an important step to adulthood, my friend felt. then the question was turned to me. And well, I guess I had the perfect answer. “This week I learned that men could be incredibly responsible if given the opportunity.”
Just a few days before, I had a conversation with all three classes I tutor. Really, it was more of a speech, but it was about the idea of trust versus doubt I had written about in a previous journal entry. What I wanted to do was get everyone’s buy-in as our teacher wouldn’t be there for part of the week and I wanted to be sure I wouldn’t get any pushback from the students not willing to participate. She trusts us to act as adults and do what we were responsible for, and it was completely up to us to eschew her doubt. Not surprisingly for me but maybe for others, nearly everyone agreed to do the lessons.
And my speech opened up philosophical conversations we don’t normally have the opportunity to have in prison. At least not maturely and definitely not in an ESL class. one guy asked that if trust existed, why wasn’t he given the chance to go home to prove he wouldn’t break the law again? I told him he’s in prison for what he did, not because of who he could be. It was up to him to be better so he wouldn’t come back to prison. That rocked him a bit.
Another guy talked about how he calls his wife, and when she doesn’t answer every time, he doubts she loves him. It was surprising he was so frank in our class, but to be honest, I was honored by his trust. One of his friends who is also in the class suggested that he talks to her about it, but not accuse her of anything. He said his friend should open communication so they could build a stronger relationship.
This is why I said that men could be responsible if given the opportunity. Strangely, in prison we are managed with some key decisions stripped- when and what to eat, where to live, how to dress- and that infantilizes us. And when you treat people like children I’ve found that they act like children. I’m glad I was able to give my fellow inmates a bit of agency. With just the smallest bit of positive reinforcement, these men could make some fantastic, positive decisions.
My personal tasks this week include:
– Write 3 letters to family and friends.
– Write my book report on my text book for chapter 2.
– Write my book report on yung pueblo’s (sic) poetry collection.
– Finish a double portrait I’m drawing for an acquaintance.
– Draft a letter to human resource directors/managers at warehouse companies in my area to get feedback on my resume.
